Monday, April 6, 2015

7 Billion To 1

I've always wondered, when will that one person who loves me comes into my life? that 1 person who will care for me, that 1 person who will be angry if i'm not taking good care of myself, that 1 person who belongs to me, that 1 person who will be super worried if i'm emo, that 1 person who will be gentle to me, that 1 person i could take out my mask and be myself in front of him, that 1 person i could talk non-stop and report to him whatever happen...


I always ask God, when will this person appear? Did You forgot to arrange him into my life?

That person appeared. But.... he doesn't belong to me...

I spent time talking to him.. telling him all my happy and unhappy moments.. he called when i sent him a crying face emoticon and talked for an hour... scolded me because i didn't pump my tyre.. worried when I got gastric..Remembers what i like..  Telling me about his dream.. But he doesn't belongs to me..

Sometimes i wonder, am i not good enough to have a guy who will takes care of me? The previous one was the same..and now it happens again.. When i thought me and Sprite will actually have a happy ending.. he likes another girl... This is worst.. he has gf..

Firstly.. i was sooooo upset that I'm someone i hate.. why do i got sooo attached with someone's bf? I felt disgusted by myself..

And when I decided not to continue with this close "friendship" I felt it's soooo painful and difficult.. i have so many things to tell him everyday.. but all i can do is to push him away.. when he texted me and asked how's my life? I wanted to type a long message.. but i forced myself to remember his Gf's face and i cleared everything.. i can only keep everything shorter than 3 words.. i can only tell him i'm busy.. i'm driving.. i'm sleeping soon.. I have no choice.. but do you know pushing someone u want to talk to away from you is painful? Keeping cold to him is such a difficult task..

Why cant i deserve a guy who belongs to me and treats me well... i just need someone simple.. I don't need a fairytale love life nor a Super good handsome man who will treats me like a princess.. i just need a simple guy who cares for me.. that's all.. Why is it so hard? why is it either Sprite likes a Taiwanese girl or this one who has a GF??? WHYYYY?

Am i really that bad that i don't deserve any guy? I thought i used to being single.. Until i got tired these days.. until i met him.. i just need a shoulder when i'm tired.. Someone who will send me message when i broke down.. Why is it so difficult to meet that 1 person? There's 7 Billions humans in the world.. but in the end.. i couldn't even meet 1

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Something never change

our tagline of the night.. hahaha

someone mentioned in FB... you don't lose your friends as time passed... you just know who is the real one..

that's really true... many friends come and go in your life.. they might be the best gang to hang out with in certain time.. like in high school.. uni. u hang out with different groups of people.. but in the end... when you are growing older.. who stays in your life? there's this group of people that will never leave my life.. (well not yet and i hope they wont!) 15 years.. we know each other.. we are all far from each other.. we never meet often or talk everyday... we might just meet twice in a year or less than that cause few of them are overseas... but when we gathered.. nothing change.. we are still that group of people that love each other and will talk bout anything!

i love how i do'nt have to hide my feelings.. pretend to be someone i'm not.. i can be who i am in front of them.. we can say anything we want.. we can be damn straight forward... that's what  friends are!

i love how we can still chat for few hours everytime we meet.. even though we don't meet often... i seriously thank God for this group of people... 7 of them... they said you're lucky if you can find one real friend your life... i found 7! lucky to the MAX!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Yadah Birthday Bash @ Cheras Leisure Mall

i was the MC of the event.. it's simply because Elaine couldnt find any MC and she's my best friend so i offered to help... it's not my first time hosting.. and i enjoyed when i was MC in Korea...i received the script on Friday night and i was so sick so i couldn't read anything but according to Elaine.. it's quite simple..

i couldn't sleep until 5am due to running nose the night before.. and i almost lose my voice.. had bad gastric before the event.. when i arrived the venue.. so many things added into the script.. apparently the previous script that i received is not related anymore.. it's a different thing on the day itself..

first.. i'm supposed to introduce about Yadah.. ok.. they told me to read out informations from the phone.. then catwalk with the products.. the routine are different from my script as well.. because the bag sponsor wants me to introduce each of the bags... but i was thinking this is not your event right.. so i didn't bother to introduce the bag.. and i thought the products are the same in my script so shouldn't be problem...

i was nervous.. because i'm not prepared and there were so many changes... and i always have a hard time to look for staff to help me.. anyway the event started.. i forgot what i memorized 30 minutes ago.. so i read out from the phone.. i tried my best to memorize before the event because i felt reading from the phone looks bad but still.. i did that.. T_T gastric got worse and worse when the event started.. i was nervous also because the guests were so near to me.. previous events have a small stage.. so i have some gap... i have no stage this time and i felt i lost personal space.. well it's just my bad habit..

the first lucky draw was soooooooo screwed! soooo many numbers.. but only half came.. so many empty numbers in the bag.. in the end i just read whatever numbers i saw from the bloggers hand... it was sooooo awkward... and the hanbok fitting is not free as what i was told...

catwalk time.. i was sooooooooo mad! the products and sequences are different from my script.. the models couldn't understand English so they didnt let me finish the informations and they left while i was still reading.. (yeap i read because too many info to memorize) when i was reading toner's info.. they came out with make up.. AND I DONT HAVE MAKE UP INFO! i don't know what is special bout make up set cause i wasn't supposed to talk about that.. i was told it's just skincare products.. ok i bullshit a lot... i'm very sure all the bloggers will be like "what is she talking about?" i don't even know what i was talking.. so sorry bloggers.. and the models don't really show the products clearly so i don't even know what products they are holding.. it was soooo screwed! i admit that i am not pro enough to handle such situation as well.. i'm not a pro MC... so i dont' know how to cover... and my mood got affected.. i don't even dare to introduce my name because i felt so malu..

then after the catwalk is the birthday cake cutting session.. i announced that everyone will move the another part for cake cutting.. well.. to get everyone there takes some time.. so the candle should be lit! but no.. when we were all there... NOBODY was there.. i was like.. is the candle just for decoration or what? should i sing the song now? then i saw someone came with lighter.. so we repeat the birthday song again... i beg the @ddols to sing louder cause i don't see responses.. the candles are still not lit up completely after the second time..

honestly.. i didn't know MC have to get the gift herself at the backstage.. the numbers box... and to get the performers ready.. before the event.. someone said they will have staff to assist me.. i dont see any.. in fact.. i only see Elaine working alone everywhere.. maybe they are other staffs working but difinitely not helping me..

after cake cutting is the @dolls time.. i was told to speak chinese cause they don't speak English.. i was thinking should i translate to English cause bloggers are still there.. but since they said Chinese only then i followed..the @dolls are not talkative as they claim.. and there were no fans for me to interview..

 the performance time.. it was shorter than planned.. only 2 minutes per person? and it was a quite boring performance sorry to say... ==| after the performance.. it's the lucky draw again.. yeap again.. empty numbers.. so i read numbers that i saw..

and finally it's the free and easy time... but honestly.. only 2 booths.. so nothing much for them to do.. they can only chat with each other... anyway i couldn't stand after the event because gastric was really really really bad.. running nose... sorethroat.. period.. everything in one shot.. and i was mad at myself for poor performance.. it was a big difference compared to my previous hosting experience.. screwed big time.. if it's not Elaine's event.. i'll definitely screw the organizer! what the hell! but because Elaine did everything... it's good enough.. she should change her job...

i sincerely apologized to all the bloggers who came.. whenever i got nothing to say i read the promotion again and again.. but i do'nt even know whether people hear me or not...

but something cheered me up... Monohue studio gave me a very special ring and we chat for 20 minutes after that... she's so friendly but i forgot her name T_T she's a nice lady... tried to consoled me and we talk about Korea... at least something to cheer me up..

that's my experience as MC.. do not dare to tell anyone my name.. hahaha they are not prepared and i'm not pro enough to cover such event... but it's still a good experience.. i'll take it as lesson.. at least if i face the same problem.. i should know what to do TT_________TT

Sunday, May 5, 2013


i am very nervous and excited for tomorrow.. it's a change for Malaysia.. doesn't matter if the result for tmr is not what we hope for but i see a change in Malaysian's heart.. we all care for our own nation already! we love our own nation..

this is my first time ever so into politics and pray so hard for Malaysia! let us change!!!!

Monday, April 29, 2013

my April

April supposed to be my favourite month.. because my birthday is on april~~ hahhaah but this month.. has been extremely busy.. i dont even rmb how many times i had lunc with my colleagues.. i always eat around 3-4pm because i have many things to do.. meetings.. preview.. ==

i've been on 8 Style.. One FM.. and presented ideas to CEOs... totally stressed.. i do powerpoint slides.. i am multitasks editor.. i'm not just an editor this month.. and after a super stressful presentation.. my boss just decided to pull me down to another presentation which SUPPOSED to be presented by the executive.. i have no idea why they have to throw one idea to me and make me present..

stress to the max.. and i hate POWER POINTTTTTTTTTTT hate it so much till the extend i almost wanted to photoshop each slides..

i almost broke down in the office when i have to edit but got no time because of ppt.. and in the end it decided to clashed before i saved it.. i knocked the table in the office when it clashed and my colleagues thought i cried.. almost.. but i have no time to cry.. but i almost cry when my boss deleted most of the pictures and the background.. i arranged the pictures nicely.. took me lots of time.. and i googled for many many pictures.. T_T Elaine and Siewky said they couldn't understand me being stress with power point.. but it is really hard to use T_T

and dont forget i'm an editor.. so i have to edit as well.. all deadlines at the same time.. my producer brought me to eat korean food to cheer me up.. but in the end i just keep drinking the rice wine.. almost got drunk == why am i doing two jobs.. what's the point of dividing teams? i'm doing jobs for both team A and team B!

ok.. done with my rant.. yeah.. continue my life.. hahaha really glad that God gave me an optimistic mind.. everytime after i rant.. i'll feel happier and live my life happier.. hehehehe

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

stressed 2

i'm stressed today... super stressed..

at first i planned to go to work after lunch time cos i have nothing to do on wednesday usually.. got a call in the morning and boss wants to meet those who presented.. jump up from the bed and took a quick shower.... rushed to office..

was happy when i received mandy's msg... i'm sooooooooo happy for her! she got a really good guy! realy awesome guy.. i really envy her... when can i got a guy that will say such things to me?

anyway while running to office and typing at the same time.. i drop my phone! shit! new phone.. wihtout cover! sHIT!

meeting was quick.. basically i have to touch up all three programs ppt files.. SHIT! then forced to go out and have lunch with boss... ==

whole day was busy doing the powerpoint slides.. and colleageus just have to disturb me... i know they are used to disturb me but not when i'm busy la! i got soooooo annoyed! and in the end i exploded by walking away from the computer.. then i have to edit my videos..

i stayed up after working hours to finish up my powerpoint slides.. but computer just has to clash for few times!! almost cried in the office.. i seriously don't know how to use power point.. so it took me a lng time to prepare for the slides.. arrange pic one by one.. in the end the file couldn't be open! i knocked the table really loud and almost cried... thank God that i can open it in another computer..

but i'm still stressed.. i have to do it tmr.. still have two more programs.. and i have to rush for editing.. eveyrthing come together! i want a drink!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 19, 2013


i've been really stressed this week.. not because i have lots of things to do but because i have nothing to do! maybe you are wondering.. why are you stress when you have nothing to do..

my repeated this sentence more than 10 times this week.. "just because the offline editor didn't give you offline on time.. doesn't mean my deadline will postpone.. it just mean i have lesser time to work"

and i'm selected to present the new ideas to 8TV CEO, NTV7 general manager... and some other departments with 5 of my other colleagues... we have to present 32 programs.. i'm stressed because i'm not presenting my ideas only but other groups.. i'm stressed because it's been a lng time since i last present in front of crowd.. i'm stressed becaues we have no time to understand in details what are we presenting.. i'm stressed!

and whenever i thought i'm over you.. i thought i'm ok.. always something happen! i CANT BELIEVE I CRIED FOR THE THIRD TIMES! seriously.. i can't understand what kind of person i changed into.. why am i crying for a guy for so many times... finally you messaged me.. and you forgot my birthday! seriously!! i know i'm not important to you la.. but with facebook! all my photos,, wishes.. notifications! you don't realized it's my birthday until 4 days later! it's worse than a normal friend!!!!! and you are online most of the time.. so disappointed.. even berry said she feels sad for me.. i need to drink!

my producer found out i cried.. and he promises to buy me a drink.. i need to release stress! super stress!!!!!

Thursday, April 18, 2013


i'm not as strong as how i thought i can be.. i'm not as cool as how i thought i can be..

i couldn't imagine that i would cry for you.. AGAIN! just because you didn't wish me on my birthday.. i couldn't understand why you don't send me any message.. you were online! and impossible to forget my birthday when you have FB...

did you found out that i like you? and you afraid to wish me? are you that kind of guy?

i just couldnt' understand.. and i don't understand why i cried just because i can't see your name while scrolling down the wishes..

i failed.. i disappointed myself... i thought i would be ok.. but in the end.. i'm weaker than i thought.. i don't likeeeeeeeeeeeeeee