Monday, April 6, 2015

7 Billion To 1

I've always wondered, when will that one person who loves me comes into my life? that 1 person who will care for me, that 1 person who will be angry if i'm not taking good care of myself, that 1 person who belongs to me, that 1 person who will be super worried if i'm emo, that 1 person who will be gentle to me, that 1 person i could take out my mask and be myself in front of him, that 1 person i could talk non-stop and report to him whatever happen...


I always ask God, when will this person appear? Did You forgot to arrange him into my life?

That person appeared. But.... he doesn't belong to me...

I spent time talking to him.. telling him all my happy and unhappy moments.. he called when i sent him a crying face emoticon and talked for an hour... scolded me because i didn't pump my tyre.. worried when I got gastric..Remembers what i like..  Telling me about his dream.. But he doesn't belongs to me..

Sometimes i wonder, am i not good enough to have a guy who will takes care of me? The previous one was the same..and now it happens again.. When i thought me and Sprite will actually have a happy ending.. he likes another girl... This is worst.. he has gf..

Firstly.. i was sooooo upset that I'm someone i hate.. why do i got sooo attached with someone's bf? I felt disgusted by myself..

And when I decided not to continue with this close "friendship" I felt it's soooo painful and difficult.. i have so many things to tell him everyday.. but all i can do is to push him away.. when he texted me and asked how's my life? I wanted to type a long message.. but i forced myself to remember his Gf's face and i cleared everything.. i can only keep everything shorter than 3 words.. i can only tell him i'm busy.. i'm driving.. i'm sleeping soon.. I have no choice.. but do you know pushing someone u want to talk to away from you is painful? Keeping cold to him is such a difficult task..

Why cant i deserve a guy who belongs to me and treats me well... i just need someone simple.. I don't need a fairytale love life nor a Super good handsome man who will treats me like a princess.. i just need a simple guy who cares for me.. that's all.. Why is it so hard? why is it either Sprite likes a Taiwanese girl or this one who has a GF??? WHYYYY?

Am i really that bad that i don't deserve any guy? I thought i used to being single.. Until i got tired these days.. until i met him.. i just need a shoulder when i'm tired.. Someone who will send me message when i broke down.. Why is it so difficult to meet that 1 person? There's 7 Billions humans in the world.. but in the end.. i couldn't even meet 1

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