tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77157770881201747092024-03-06T01:50:19.386+08:00Dance Dance Dance ^^If a man pays back evil for good,
evil will never leave his house
PROVERBS 17:13christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.comBlogger274125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-52351195645168838882015-04-06T19:57:00.000+08:002015-04-07T11:48:20.836+08:007 Billion To 1I've always wondered, when will that one person who loves me comes into my life? that 1 person who will care for me, that 1 person who will be angry if i'm not taking good care of myself, that 1 person who belongs to me, that 1 person who will be super worried if i'm emo, that 1 person who will be gentle to me, that 1 person i could take out my mask and be myself in front of him, that 1 person i could talk non-stop and report to him whatever happen...<br />
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When?<br />
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I always ask God, when will this person appear? Did You forgot to arrange him into my life?<br />
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That person appeared. But.... he doesn't belong to me...<br />
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I spent time talking to him.. telling him all my happy and unhappy moments.. he called when i sent him a crying face emoticon and talked for an hour... scolded me because i didn't pump my tyre.. worried when I got gastric..Remembers what i like.. Telling me about his dream.. But he doesn't belongs to me..<br />
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Sometimes i wonder, am i not good enough to have a guy who will takes care of me? The previous one was the same..and now it happens again.. When i thought me and Sprite will actually have a happy ending.. he likes another girl... This is worst.. he has gf..<br />
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Firstly.. i was sooooo upset that I'm someone i hate.. why do i got sooo attached with someone's bf? I felt disgusted by myself..<br />
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And when I decided not to continue with this close "friendship" I felt it's soooo painful and difficult.. i have so many things to tell him everyday.. but all i can do is to push him away.. when he texted me and asked how's my life? I wanted to type a long message.. but i forced myself to remember his Gf's face and i cleared everything.. i can only keep everything shorter than 3 words.. i can only tell him i'm busy.. i'm driving.. i'm sleeping soon.. I have no choice.. but do you know pushing someone u want to talk to away from you is painful? Keeping cold to him is such a difficult task..<br />
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Why cant i deserve a guy who belongs to me and treats me well... i just need someone simple.. I don't need a fairytale love life nor a Super good handsome man who will treats me like a princess.. i just need a simple guy who cares for me.. that's all.. Why is it so hard? why is it either Sprite likes a Taiwanese girl or this one who has a GF??? WHYYYY?<br />
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Am i really that bad that i don't deserve any guy? I thought i used to being single.. Until i got tired these days.. until i met him.. i just need a shoulder when i'm tired.. Someone who will send me message when i broke down.. Why is it so difficult to meet that 1 person? There's 7 Billions humans in the world.. but in the end.. i couldn't even meet 1christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-19410640807148570482013-05-29T23:33:00.001+08:002013-05-29T23:33:32.497+08:00Something never changeour tagline of the night.. hahaha<br />
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someone mentioned in FB... you don't lose your friends as time passed... you just know who is the real one..<br />
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that's really true... many friends come and go in your life.. they might be the best gang to hang out with in certain time.. like in high school.. uni. u hang out with different groups of people.. but in the end... when you are growing older.. who stays in your life? there's this group of people that will never leave my life.. (well not yet and i hope they wont!) 15 years.. we know each other.. we are all far from each other.. we never meet often or talk everyday... we might just meet twice in a year or less than that cause few of them are overseas... but when we gathered.. nothing change.. we are still that group of people that love each other and will talk bout anything!<br />
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i love how i do'nt have to hide my feelings.. pretend to be someone i'm not.. i can be who i am in front of them.. we can say anything we want.. we can be damn straight forward... that's what friends are!<br />
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i love how we can still chat for few hours everytime we meet.. even though we don't meet often... i seriously thank God for this group of people... 7 of them... they said you're lucky if you can find one real friend your life... i found 7! lucky to the MAX! christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-90465753985128591192013-05-28T12:29:00.001+08:002013-05-29T22:01:39.067+08:00Yadah Birthday Bash @ Cheras Leisure Malli was the MC of the event.. it's simply because Elaine couldnt find any MC and she's my best friend so i offered to help... it's not my first time hosting.. and i enjoyed when i was MC in Korea...i received the script on Friday night and i was so sick so i couldn't read anything but according to Elaine.. it's quite simple..<br />
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i couldn't sleep until 5am due to running nose the night before.. and i almost lose my voice.. had bad gastric before the event.. when i arrived the venue.. so many things added into the script.. apparently the previous script that i received is not related anymore.. it's a different thing on the day itself..<br />
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first.. i'm supposed to introduce about Yadah.. ok.. they told me to read out informations from the phone.. then catwalk with the products.. the routine are different from my script as well.. because the bag sponsor wants me to introduce each of the bags... but i was thinking this is not your event right.. so i didn't bother to introduce the bag.. and i thought the products are the same in my script so shouldn't be problem... <br />
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i was nervous.. because i'm not prepared and there were so many changes... and i always have a hard time to look for staff to help me.. anyway the event started.. i forgot what i memorized 30 minutes ago.. so i read out from the phone.. i tried my best to memorize before the event because i felt reading from the phone looks bad but still.. i did that.. T_T gastric got worse and worse when the event started.. i was nervous also because the guests were so near to me.. previous events have a small stage.. so i have some gap... i have no stage this time and i felt i lost personal space.. well it's just my bad habit.. <br />
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the first lucky draw was soooooooo screwed! soooo many numbers.. but only half came.. so many empty numbers in the bag.. in the end i just read whatever numbers i saw from the bloggers hand... it was sooooo awkward... and the hanbok fitting is not free as what i was told... <br />
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catwalk time.. i was sooooooooo mad! the products and sequences are different from my script.. the models couldn't understand English so they didnt let me finish the informations and they left while i was still reading.. (yeap i read because too many info to memorize) when i was reading toner's info.. they came out with make up.. AND I DONT HAVE MAKE UP INFO! i don't know what is special bout make up set cause i wasn't supposed to talk about that.. i was told it's just skincare products.. ok i bullshit a lot... i'm very sure all the bloggers will be like <b>"what is she talking about?"</b> <u>i don't even know what i was talking</u>.. so sorry bloggers.. and the models don't really show the products clearly so i don't even know what products they are holding.. it was soooo screwed! i admit that i am not pro enough to handle such situation as well.. i'm not a pro MC... so i dont' know how to cover... and my mood got affected.. i don't even dare to introduce my name because i felt so malu.. <br />
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then after the catwalk is the birthday cake cutting session.. i announced that everyone will move the another part for cake cutting.. well.. to get everyone there takes some time.. so the candle should be lit! but no.. when we were all there... NOBODY was there.. i was like.. is the candle just for decoration or what? should i sing the song now? then i saw someone came with lighter.. so we repeat the birthday song again... i beg the @ddols to sing louder cause i don't see responses.. the candles are still not lit up completely after the second time.. <br />
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honestly.. i didn't know MC have to get the gift herself at the backstage.. the numbers box... and to get the performers ready.. before the event.. someone said they will have staff to assist me.. i dont see any.. in fact.. i only see Elaine working alone everywhere.. maybe they are other staffs working but difinitely not helping me..<br />
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after cake cutting is the @dolls time.. i was told to speak chinese cause they don't speak English.. i was thinking should i translate to English cause bloggers are still there.. but since they said Chinese only then i followed..the @dolls are not talkative as they claim.. and there were no fans for me to interview..<br />
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the performance time.. it was shorter than planned.. only 2 minutes per person? and it was a quite boring performance sorry to say... ==| after the performance.. it's the lucky draw again.. yeap again.. empty numbers.. so i read numbers that i saw..<br />
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and finally it's the free and easy time... but honestly.. only 2 booths.. so nothing much for them to do.. they can only chat with each other... anyway i couldn't stand after the event because gastric was really really really bad.. running nose... sorethroat.. period.. everything in one shot.. and i was mad at myself for poor performance.. it was a big difference compared to my previous hosting experience.. screwed big time.. if it's not Elaine's event.. i'll definitely screw the organizer! what the hell! but because Elaine did everything... it's good enough.. she should change her job... <br />
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i sincerely apologized to all the bloggers who came.. whenever i got nothing to say i read the promotion again and again.. but i do'nt even know whether people hear me or not... <br />
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but something cheered me up... Monohue studio gave me a very special ring and we chat for 20 minutes after that... she's so friendly but i forgot her name T_T she's a nice lady... tried to consoled me and we talk about Korea... at least something to cheer me up..<br />
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that's my experience as MC.. do not dare to tell anyone my name.. hahaha they are not prepared and i'm not pro enough to cover such event... but it's still a good experience.. i'll take it as lesson.. at least if i face the same problem.. i should know what to do TT_________TTchristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-31138966540481199142013-05-05T01:29:00.001+08:002013-05-05T01:29:28.108+08:00excitedi am very nervous and excited for tomorrow.. it's a change for Malaysia.. doesn't matter if the result for tmr is not what we hope for but i see a change in Malaysian's heart.. we all care for our own nation already! we love our own nation..<br />
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this is my first time ever so into politics and pray so hard for Malaysia! let us change!!!! christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-14749433255907152802013-04-29T22:49:00.001+08:002013-04-29T22:49:13.530+08:00my AprilApril supposed to be my favourite month.. because my birthday is on april~~ hahhaah but this month.. has been extremely busy.. i dont even rmb how many times i had lunc with my colleagues.. i always eat around 3-4pm because i have many things to do.. meetings.. preview.. ==<br />
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i've been on 8 Style.. One FM.. and presented ideas to CEOs... totally stressed.. i do powerpoint slides.. i am multitasks editor.. i'm not just an editor this month.. and after a super stressful presentation.. my boss just decided to pull me down to another presentation which SUPPOSED to be presented by the executive.. i have no idea why they have to throw one idea to me and make me present..<br />
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stress to the max.. and i hate POWER POINTTTTTTTTTTT hate it so much till the extend i almost wanted to photoshop each slides..<br />
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i almost broke down in the office when i have to edit but got no time because of ppt.. and in the end it decided to clashed before i saved it.. i knocked the table in the office when it clashed and my colleagues thought i cried.. almost.. but i have no time to cry.. but i almost cry when my boss deleted most of the pictures and the background.. i arranged the pictures nicely.. took me lots of time.. and i googled for many many pictures.. T_T Elaine and Siewky said they couldn't understand me being stress with power point.. but it is really hard to use T_T<br />
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and dont forget i'm an editor.. so i have to edit as well.. all deadlines at the same time.. my producer brought me to eat korean food to cheer me up.. but in the end i just keep drinking the rice wine.. almost got drunk == why am i doing two jobs.. what's the point of dividing teams? i'm doing jobs for both team A and team B!<br />
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ok.. done with my rant.. yeah.. continue my life.. hahaha really glad that God gave me an optimistic mind.. everytime after i rant.. i'll feel happier and live my life happier.. hehehehe<br />
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<br />christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-10928971447329601912013-04-24T23:08:00.000+08:002013-04-24T23:08:51.284+08:00stressed 2i'm stressed today... super stressed..<br />
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at first i planned to go to work after lunch time cos i have nothing to do on wednesday usually.. got a call in the morning and boss wants to meet those who presented.. jump up from the bed and took a quick shower.... rushed to office..<br />
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was happy when i received mandy's msg... i'm sooooooooo happy for her! she got a really good guy! realy awesome guy.. i really envy her... when can i got a guy that will say such things to me?<br />
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anyway while running to office and typing at the same time.. i drop my phone! shit! new phone.. wihtout cover! sHIT!<br />
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meeting was quick.. basically i have to touch up all three programs ppt files.. SHIT! then forced to go out and have lunch with boss... ==<br />
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whole day was busy doing the powerpoint slides.. and colleageus just have to disturb me... i know they are used to disturb me but not when i'm busy la! i got soooooo annoyed! and in the end i exploded by walking away from the computer.. then i have to edit my videos..<br />
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i stayed up after working hours to finish up my powerpoint slides.. but computer just has to clash for few times!! almost cried in the office.. i seriously don't know how to use power point.. so it took me a lng time to prepare for the slides.. arrange pic one by one.. in the end the file couldn't be open! i knocked the table really loud and almost cried... thank God that i can open it in another computer..<br />
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but i'm still stressed.. i have to do it tmr.. still have two more programs.. and i have to rush for editing.. eveyrthing come together! i want a drink!!!!!!!!!!!!christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-78893732598943619082013-04-19T23:59:00.000+08:002013-04-19T23:59:06.556+08:00stressedi've been really stressed this week.. not because i have lots of things to do but because i have nothing to do! maybe you are wondering.. why are you stress when you have nothing to do..<br />
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my repeated this sentence more than 10 times this week.. "just because the offline editor didn't give you offline on time.. doesn't mean my deadline will postpone.. it just mean i have lesser time to work"<br />
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and i'm selected to present the new ideas to 8TV CEO, NTV7 general manager... and some other departments with 5 of my other colleagues... we have to present 32 programs.. i'm stressed because i'm not presenting my ideas only but other groups.. i'm stressed because it's been a lng time since i last present in front of crowd.. i'm stressed becaues we have no time to understand in details what are we presenting.. i'm stressed!<br />
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and whenever i thought i'm over you.. i thought i'm ok.. always something happen! i CANT BELIEVE I CRIED FOR THE THIRD TIMES! seriously.. i can't understand what kind of person i changed into.. why am i crying for a guy for so many times... finally you messaged me.. and you forgot my birthday! seriously!! i know i'm not important to you la.. but with facebook! all my photos,, wishes.. notifications! you don't realized it's my birthday until 4 days later! it's worse than a normal friend!!!!! and you are online most of the time.. so disappointed.. even berry said she feels sad for me.. i need to drink!<br />
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my producer found out i cried.. and he promises to buy me a drink.. i need to release stress! super stress!!!!!christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-21523999475048360832013-04-18T02:35:00.002+08:002013-04-18T02:35:13.553+08:00weaki'm not as strong as how i thought i can be.. i'm not as cool as how i thought i can be..<br />
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i couldn't imagine that i would cry for you.. AGAIN! just because you didn't wish me on my birthday.. i couldn't understand why you don't send me any message.. you were online! and impossible to forget my birthday when you have FB...<br />
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did you found out that i like you? and you afraid to wish me? are you that kind of guy?<br />
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i just couldnt' understand.. and i don't understand why i cried just because i can't see your name while scrolling down the wishes..<br />
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i failed.. i disappointed myself... i thought i would be ok.. but in the end.. i'm weaker than i thought.. i don't likeeeeeeeeeeeeeee<br />
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useless~~~christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-69953757081371142862013-04-13T23:45:00.001+08:002013-04-13T23:45:07.505+08:00heartache.. finally i'm ready to write this post.. it's been a week.. time to update abit on my life..<br />
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as stated in my last post.. i'm supposed to have a movie date with him.. and all my colleagues.. can'[t stop pushing me to confess my love... of course i won't.. cos i don't even know what he's thinking and i don't confess.. i'm not used to confess.. i think that's a guy's job.. call me sexist.. but i never confess before and i will NOT!<br />
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but after talking to my close colleague and my lao ban.. they gave me some advices.. like just ask him.. to know what he's thinking.. so i thought.. that's a chance for me to know about him.. rather than wasting time thinking we are possible.. so i decided to ask him about his feeling..<br />
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after talking to my colleague.. i coudln't work.. there's this thought in my mine.. i think it's today to give up.. i told my colleague about some of our dates.. she said impossible for a guy to travel from LCCT to one u just to watch movie with me.. but i still think it's becos he is kind..<br />
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i couldn't do anything and not in a mood to workout.. i met him for a dinner.. with colleague joining.. she wants to see whether we are possible.. and she needs to makan.. i think dinner turns out good.. then we went movie.. i was touched that i don't have to say anything.. he knew i need popcorn.. maybe he is just a caring guy... the movie was so touching.. i cried a lot.. TT____TT<br />
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after that.. on the way to carpark.. i talked about his blog.. and ask about his target.. the moment he said "that girl has a bf" immediately i knew.. it's not me... my mood goes down all the way.. i do'nt feel like talking.. and in the car.. i felt the distance from one u to my house is really far~ and he just had to use the wrong road.. i want to get home quickly cos i feel like crying.. we do talks about that girl.. but i don't rmb much.. only rmb i said he's confusing.. he's kind to everyone how would that girl know whether he's interested or just kind.. this is totally from my heart..<br />
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heartache... honestly i didnt know this really happen.. i mean.. heartache is not something just to describe.. but it's physically pain~~ i can feel it.. like many arrows shot onto it.. that feeling sucks! and i have to restrain myself from crying.. in the end i pretended to sleep.. i cried for a long time once i reach home and when colleague asked.. i had to pretend i'm ok with texts like "haha i can hunt for new guy" while crying hard.. thank God i have Elaine who can talk to without pretending.. and i hate myself for crying for someone who don't like me.. i don't know why am i so dumb!<br />
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i know this is not his fault.. maybe a little? he's too kind to a normal friend so i think girls would misunderstand... mainly my own problem.. i think too much~ maybe i don't meet many guys that will treat me that kind.. that caring.. now when i recall.. i think his actions just show from friend to friend.. i don't know why i can't see this last time.. but this is a good experience like what my mum said.. she is so happy that i cried for a guy.. she said it's normal.. she's worried that my heart is cold to guys.. so she's happy finally after so many year.. i like someone.. even thought it's not a happy ending.. christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-42961865418636499002013-04-03T22:49:00.003+08:002013-04-03T22:50:00.796+08:00nervousi just wrote that my feelings faded towards him.. but how come i feel nervous meeting him tomorrow.... is it because of what my friends said? i always tell people not to give up easily.. do action.. maybe tmr i should do more than hint.. if he's nt interested in me at least i can give up and just be friend.. seriously i don't want to feel regret again..<br />
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come on! don't have to wait for the guy (even though i think guy should take the first move) i can just go and ask just like on call 36... i need to grab the chance before it turn into regret!christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-88800167843926570352013-03-15T00:33:00.001+08:002013-03-15T00:33:27.398+08:00long long time~i remember how i love to write things here when i broke down last time cause i have no one to talk to.. and i remember how i love to keep my memories here whether good or bad..<br />
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what happen recently? i mean.. in this one year? i got a job.. a permanent job finally.. i love my job even though the salary sucks.. but nothing beats interest.. hahahaha<br />
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i love my colleagues even though they love gossip.. but i love to get crazy with them..<br />
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i'm serving in the church.. taking care of Toddlers.. they are extremely cute! even though they are devils sometimes.. but soooo cute.. can melt your heart anytime..<br />
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my brother got married.. i love my sister in law.. and few weeks later... we found out that she's pregnant.. huiyo!! everything too fast.. but i was the only one that was excited when parents couldn't even settle their mood.. a baby in the house coming SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
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love life? my resolution every year.. to get a boyfriend.. hahaha sometimes i enjoy my single life.. but sometimes.. no matter how optimistic i am.. i need someone to cheer me up and sayang me when i'm down.. i'm quite girly on this part.. hahahah<br />
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the last time i got "good feeling" on someone was in Korea... we met everyday for meals or just to meet up.. but he's younger than me and i can't stand far distance relationship.. so i don't dare to step more.. and he's in military now.. like those typical korean drama.. =="<br />
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and my best friends were trying to hook me up with a guy.. someone i know quite long but not close to.. we went out for few movies.. he came to my cell outings.. honestly i was very impressed at his gentlement manner... he will always helps to take things.. for someone blur like me.. helping to take things can help me to prevent losing things.. hahaha anyway i'm really amazed on how good this guy is.. hahaha even though he treats me as a friend and he treats everyone the same.. i still think consider the possibility of us getting together~~ u know the single always do that..<br />
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i don't often go out with guys one on one.. and i hinted him on this.. i asked him out for few movies.. and i went before i know what the movie was about ==| but after few times.. i couldn't feel that he treats me more than a friend.. or he has special feelings on me.. waited for him to do some actions is tiring.. cos he just treats me as a normal friend.. after sometime.. my feeling fades and the timing is over..<br />
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now we can be best friend cause i still think he is an awesome guy and awesome friend.. i would really want to introduce him a good girl.. someone told me.. gentlement is always slow.. and take things slow.. or no guts in short words.. ermmmm maybe i have a tumor in brain.. so i always think life is too short for anything.. just do it if u have feelings.. he is too slow for not doing anything.. so too bad.. maybe we are just meant to be friends afterall..<br />
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i am a straightforward girl.. i think sometimes.. it's better to fail but at least u tried then just always having this thought "IF only i do this.. what will happen?" i think failure is nothing compared to regret.... ^_^ you won't know what will happen tomorrow.. why wait?christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-65050620956294813772012-02-18T15:01:00.002+08:002012-02-18T15:25:04.001+08:00my first rebeli'm a person that love clubbing last time.. but i can't go often because my mum is alone at home.. she never sleeps until i come home.. even if i'm in the club.. i feel guilty.. so i stop clubbing.. my dad set me curfew before he came down.. i must go home before 11pm.. ok fine.. i obeyed.. i can't drive alone to kl and most of the places.. it's ok i don't drive..<br /><br />after dad retired.. i thought.. finally it's time for me to go out now.. and i'm 24 years old.. but NO! dad called me home whenever i go out because they got nothing to do at home.. so they can only think where am i.. when will i be home.. 8pm is late too! i almost argued with them when i sent my switzerland friends back to raja chulan.. honestly! without suying i can't drive.. so i can't survive without her? i was mad that time.. after argued for few sentences.. i gave up and go back to the room...<br /><br />and these few days.. they just can't stop nagging me.. boyfriend.. my mum is worried that i'm single~! and she's disappointed that i got no date on Valentines.. ok fine.. i keep quiet.. then they nag bout me staying at home.. I GO OUT U NAG I STAY AT HOME U NAG@!!!! fine i stay in the room until dinner time since there's renovation anyway..<br /><br />then mum said that i should have a part time job so i wn't stay at home wasting time while waiting for my full time confirmation.. OK! i went looking for part time and found one day care job.. then when i told them.. they said why waste time on day care... why not focus on full time! WALAO!!!!! i seriously want to kill people!!! especially when mum said " u think it's ok to waste time there then u go for it lo" i exploded! i literally scream back at her and i don't rmb what i said.. but basically i fought back.. and luckily i planned to go out due to renovation.. so i went out immediately..<br /><br />i don't know where to go and once i got into the car i start crying.. so i drove on the highway... to summit.. then take a u turn back.. and i drove slowly.. after that i went to my fav cafe.. i sat at the corner.. staring at my laptop.. look for some dramas to watch.. ordered cappuccino and pasta.. then i msg bro's gf.. she kept asking me what happen and i start crying in the cafe T_T i tot it wasn't obvious.. i sat there since 4pm.. around 6pm.. the owner gave me a free Mocha.. with a message - Don't cry~~ honestly i was touched!! the mocha tasted really really good! it warmed my heart!<br /><br />i really wanted to talk to someone.. i look at my contacts.. ironic.. i don't hv anyone to call.. then look at my fb.. 600+ friends.. but none of them i could talk to.. especially i lost them.. and half of my brothers in australia..<br /><br />my laptop out of batt.. then i used my phone.. then it out of batt.. but luckily i called suying before that.. she came around 9pm.. i told her everything.. then she complains bout her job too.. we talked until the shop closed.. around 10.15pm.. so basically i stayed there for 6 hours? hehehe drank cappuccino, mocha, afagato, peach juice, ice lemon tea..<br /><br />then i went to studio look for r team and sun jie.. until 11.40pm.. this is my first rebel.. i ran away frm home.. for 9 hours.. talked to brother about all this.. brother said i'm consider ok for my age.. hahahahachristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-22098490249437982152012-02-18T14:49:00.003+08:002012-02-18T15:00:38.581+08:00lifeCNY is over.. it's already mid of Feb.. lots of things happen.. it's difficult to tell what happened..<br /><br />i had a good CNY... spent lots of time with family.. especially brother.. i'm really glad and happy to have my family with me.. including all relatives.. i'm really blessed!<br /><br />house renovating now.. really really noisy and irritating.. free wake up call every morning... and the renovation make all of us in the house hot tempered..<br /><br />i met DA again in a dance comp.. i didn't know they joined actually.. only 4 of them joined this time.. i have no feeling when i watch them dancing on the stage.. compared to MYSJ event.. i'm glad that i really let go of them already.. and as i said.. if they don't want to talk to me.. i won't talk to them.. no point for me to go near them if they are uncomfortable.. so i didn't talk to them besides CY cause she didn't join the comp.. so we talked..<br /><br />after the event i walk to R team only.. and congratz P team.. and i heard E called me... the kind maknae.. she was teasing me wearing a short pant.. haha so i suggested to take a pic together.. but i didn't talk to the leader.. she was uncomfortable when i was there.. make me realized that now i am ok to see them face to face bcoz i didn't do anything wrong.. why is she uncomfortable? haha anyway i 见得人,拜得神。<br /><br />after the event.. went dinner with Geruff.. and movie.. and all of us slept in the movie.. oh besides father and mother.. hahaha had a deep talk with sun jie.. she's a really good gf! my loudou should really faster propose! hahahachristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-37728189728887293392012-01-13T03:41:00.002+08:002012-01-13T04:26:24.247+08:00anniversaryit's DA 4th anniversary.. i rmb i rejected the offer to celebrate 2nd anniversary with them two years ago because i wasn't a member of them.. and last year.. finally i celebrated anniversary with them.. haha and now.. i'm not celebrating with them anymore.. no more in the future..<br /><br />i thought i will cry as much as i could on this day.. i rmb last year we were kind of in a rush.. we had a great time choosing infinite member's character.. we ate in BBQ plaza.. we were so noisy in the rest..<br /><br />this year i'm gonna spend this day alone.. without any noises.. without anyone besides me..even the house is empty today.. i seriously thought i was gonna cry.. but even when i'm typing all this.. i do'nt even have tears in my eyes.. i dont knw why..<br /><br />i had collaborated with one of the ex member.. of course i asked her why did she quit? cos from what i heard last time.. it's her fault quitting.. even i thought so.. but honestly... after hearing reasons from her.. it took a long time for her to explode.. now i understand.. half of her reasons similar to mine.. both of us argued with HER the most.. both of us can't stand her the most... honestly i am not patient enough to work with her..<br /><br />and after both of us quit.. the problems are on us.. suddenly we are the one who gave up on them.. i mean yes we gave up and we decided to quit.. but something forced us to do that.. when i talk to J.. i felt soooo must better~~~ cos finally i can really really really find someone that understands my feelings and stand on my side.. we talked for few hours that day.. i am very sorry for her because when she quit... NOBODY talked to her after that.. none of the members asked her why.. and everyone just said it's because she's impatient.. she's not good in tolerating..<br /><br />i didnt know that she quit until i came back from Korea.. i even bought her gift..and we got so many more stages after she quit.. she admited that she felt bad... i watched their performance right after i quit once.. i cried.. so i understand J's feeling.. really sorry.. after reading her blog.. i can truly understand her..<br /><br />but now.. we are not regret.. because of many reasons... we are not important in the group.. nobody cares whether we leave the group.. we can't stand her.. and no members supported us or listen to us when we quit.. and lastly.. everyone blame us for quitting and make them cry...<br /><br />i think quitting the group is the best decision i've made.. the only thing that make me depressed.. i can't quit peacefully.. i always hope in the future even i break up with my bf.. we can still be friend.. but now.. seems like all of them dont want to talk to me... it's ok... since i don't even feel anything now.. i think i really got no feelings and numb now.. 12 january.. it's just another ordinary day..christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-91045481227707609952012-01-12T00:16:00.002+08:002012-01-12T00:37:17.319+08:002011i wanted to update bout my 2011 life also got no time.. these few weeks always busy with gatherings.. dinners.. almost everyday got dinners.. dinner with family.. dinner with my brothers and sisters..gatherings with friends..<br /><br />i stated in facebook.. my 2011 was awesome.. cos i learned a lot.. super a lot.. i gained lots of experiences.. my 2011 can be divided into three parts.. before i went to Taiwan... i participated in two very big competitions.. and i'm able to dance on big stages.. in I City.. in Astro Hits.. and in Putrajaya.. i enjoyed those moments a lot.. i'm such a lucky person to stand on those stages.. and enjoyed those cheerings..<br /><br />i headed to Taiwan in the July.. i experienced a great adventure.. i stayed on a mountain for the first time.. i be an English Teacher for the first time.. i had to deal with insects and worms for the first time.. and i grown up after that trip..<br /><br />after i come back from Taiwan.. i experienced a great lose.. and i experience my first broke down.. when i recall my two months.. i was really depressed.. cried almost everyday.. didn't want to talk to other people.. i don't trust anyone anymore.. i decided to keep myself away from other people.. my best friend and my mum was so worried that time.. but now when i recovered.. i realized.. to be positive about it.. isn't it a good thing that i lefT? cos nobody wanted me to stay anyway.. now when i think back.. it's a bullshit saying that i think too much.. cos i'm forced to.. and now it's kind of proven that i made the right choice.. i never regret.. and i grown up again.. let me be frank.. though i gave many excuses why i left the group.. the main reason is I CANT WORK WITH YOU!! the main reason is i don;t want to continue to work with you so that we don't need to argue anymore.. but too bad.. i cant quit peacefully..<br /><br />so to conclude my 2011.. i think i grow up more.. i'm too emotional last time.. i trust people easily.. i'm dependent on others.. now i realized.. not everyone understand you.. i'm not gonna be so emotional on 2012.. i'm not gonna trust people easily on 2012.. i'm not gonna be kind on 2012 anymore.. i'm not gonna depend on others.. and put too much feelings.. i want to be someone cool.. hahahachristyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-78799431753206735012011-12-17T02:47:00.003+08:002011-12-17T03:00:13.435+08:00normal ^^it's been a long time since i last write a blog.. maybe because these few weeks.. there are people who listen to me.. who talk to me.. seriously these few weeks.. i'm really blessed.. i met up with my primiary schoolmates.. bcause my classmate getting married.. we witnessed their journey together.. since both are normal friends.. till both like each other... till parent disagree with them.. till they got separated becos the boy was sent to New Zealand.. and now finally they won their parent.. and getting married.. it's like watching a drama. with a happy ending~~ we kept talking about 那些年。那些年我们去过的地方。and met 那些年,一起追过我的男孩。哈哈 i didnt realized there were quite a number of people like me before.. hahaha<br /><br />after that, i was kinda busy.. maybe i'm trying to keep myself busy.. oh then i went to MOA 2011.. meet the suju oppa again! it's my 8th times.. seriously.. they still touched me.. i'm still in love with them.. i met a new friend from SG.. so i wasn't alone in my zone.. we both had fun.. i purposely arrive the stadium earlier to help out mysj.. but most of them went to fan meeting.. and those who stayed were those whom i'm more awkward with.. she's there.. seriously... for now.. it's obvious that sh's ignoring me.. so i cant think of any reason for me to go near her anymore.. since she doesn't want our friendship.. or maybe she afraid that i'll hurt her or whatever shit.. i just don't care now.. i'm numb.. i am not sad or hurt even though she ignored me... i just got no feeling.. i won't make u annoyed by me again.. cause i'm not gonna go near u anymore.. for now.. i dont mind losing a friend.. it's ok..<br /><br />before that, i talked to Jess.. we talked about how we both felt when we quit.. we talked about why we quit.. we didn't talk bad about her.. but just expressing our feelings.. i was so sorry for her cause when she quit... nobody was there to listen to her.. i know how she feels.. she admit she was hurt.. i'm sorry.. and i dont have much chance to spend time with her.. hopefully i can get closer to her.. ^_^ she's a really nice friend.. finally someone understands my feeling..<br /><br />the concert was fun~~ i talked super a lot that day.. even kak fiza said i talk too much.. when she said that, i'm happy ^_^ it means i'm back to normal.. haha finally i talk.. and talk too much.. 3 months ago.. i dont talk and just keep crying.. and want to be alert with everyone.. just like a hedgehog.. i want to have a distance with everyone so they got no chance to hurt me.. and i won't pour out too much feelings..including my friends.. i'm glad i'm back to normal to my friends now.. i'm gonna be a hedgehog to people i meet in the future.. but not my friends ^^christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-49473351637613939142011-11-15T01:20:00.002+08:002011-11-15T01:32:32.478+08:00心淡了。这次我很肯定的告诉自己。心淡了。一直还有点矛盾,现在,尤其读了她的文章。我很确定我心淡了。就算在怎么心痛不能站上舞台,和团员们。可是一切都心淡了。<br /><br />这次是我给自己最后机会。不要再回头。以前,失去他,也没想过回头。不要再为了她们回头。我曾经是一个自尊很强的人。不要再把自己弄的很可怜。抬头!!!! 你没有做错事。就算有,已经道歉了。现在你是问心无愧!!! 记住!<br /><br />我说过,要变成很冷漠的人。我不会再那么替别人想,我不会再放那么多感情,我一定要学自私! 这样我才不会受伤。我一定要有一道冰墙围住我。别人不保护我,我就自己保护自己。天天笑也被人误会成心机重。好!! 我一定会像你说的,变一个心机重的人。christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-72346715219227985422011-11-13T01:20:00.002+08:002011-11-13T01:24:20.073+08:00it's overit's over it's over it's OVER! i have to keep reminding myself this! everything is OVER!!! no matter how many times you think of it..how many times you dream of them.. it's OVER! impossible to stand on the same stage with them now! cause you are an outsider! when can you get over this? don't you feel tired keeping that small hope? please wake up! even you dreamt about it.. you still need to wake up.. and face the reality! PLEASE CHRISTY LIM! please wake up la! when will you stop thinking and move on with your own life? when can you get used to a life that is without dancing and without them! please remember! you are consider an outsider.. Dawn's arch don't belongs to you anymore.. or either way.. please wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-6348827523432918472011-11-11T02:13:00.002+08:002011-11-11T02:31:31.481+08:00heartachei went to their practice today.. seeing them practicing for new dance... new competition.. my heart pain..<br /><br />i have no right to blame anyone because i'm the one that gave up on them.. gave up on all the stages.. i know i have no one to blame.. but still i can't control how my heart feels.. i know.. i am totally an outsider now.. none of the competition related to me.. i just felt... weird...<br /><br />i thought i could overcome this feeling.. but i can't .. i'm an useless person... my tears never finish.... honestly.. why am i crying? why? it's me who concluded everything like this... who am i to even cry? i don't see big difference in the group without me.. but i can clearly difference in my life without them.. i lost chances of dancing.. i lost 5 precious members.. even though we are still friends.. but i know we are not that close anymore.. i lost a big part in my life.. i lost two precious thing in my life.. dance and friends.. maybe i got chance to dance again but not as Dawn's Arch member.. honestly i dont feel like dancing on the stage without them with me.. i don't feel secure.. but it's past... i'ts memories..<br /><br />i used to cried a lot when i watch SJ memories video.. because i felt sad that hankyung left.. but now whenever i listened or watch those songs.. i can only relate it to myself... we used to laugh together.. we used to cry together... we used to gone through a lot...<br /><br />honestly i hope they could stand on a big stage successfully soon... even though i can't stand on it with them.. but there's no one i could blame.. i just truly hope.. they will be able to be successful soon..<br /><br />last time.. my dream in dancing was... dawn's arch got number 1 in any competition and we cry on the stage together... that's the scene that i always HOPE for.. but now... i think have to change to.. Dawn's Arch got number 1 in any competition and THEY cry together on the stage..<br /><br />when i talked to suying.. sometimes.. i always mention DA as my group or our members.. but after 1 sec.. i'll change it to "THEM" of course i felt heartache everytime i have to change it.. honestly... i don't even dare to call her jagiyah now.. i'll call her Chris..<br /><br />Why? why this happen? i envy those groups that members always say they want to quit but still able to solve everything and stand on the stage together.. sometiems i wonder.. how come our group cannot? once it's spoken.. everything is confirmed..<br /><br />yes.. even though i never want to admit this.. i regret quitting.. because i lose my precious friends.. its the friendship that makes me regret.. i regret regret regret.. but nothing can be change.. so what if i cry non-stop? so what if i keep thinking bout them.. so what.. cause i'm the one that quit.. nobody will cares if my heart pain.. cause i'm the one that quit... let me cry for another week.. i hope my tears can end.. seriously.. everyone moved on.. besides me... T_T why? i always cry in the car while listening to korean songs.. there's no korean songs that i can not relate to them.. every songs seems related to them.. the worst thing is.. i cried hard in the car.. and once i reach somewhere or meet some friends.. i had to smile like nothing happen.. it's tiring..............................................................................................<br /><br />how come my life so full of them? i realized this two years.. it's always dancing and DAWN'S ARCH! why is it like that? now i lost both.. my life is nothing..christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-42095946769103584502011-11-05T22:40:00.002+08:002011-11-05T23:33:06.627+08:00见面了。。。今天,终于见面了。。并不是什么open talk。只是mysj有舞蹈比赛所以见面了。<br /><br />在一个没有预想到的地方见-厕所。。==|<br /><br />吓到啦!所以第一眼我是有点不知所措。所以没有笑。TT 我不想的。然后进厕所后,我的心快跳出来了。其实我是很想抱她们。尤其是我的jagiyah。好久没抱她。可是出来时,有电话。所以就没讲什么就出了。然后我们继续逛逛。遇到kpop朋友就聊了几句。然后我看到她们了。就尽力的过去跟她们打招呼。叫她们加油。觉得她们好有型喔!这样的打扮真的很帅。然后被人叫去别的地方。<br /><br />比赛开始了。当然有很多是第一次所以很紧张也很乱。可是我最讨厌人重编舞蹈。现在sj beast bb 的舞步很差吗?需要你重编!!!! 看到我火都来了! 我宁愿跳的乱可是也不要乱改舞步。经典的舞步都没有了。你们回去你们的领域啦。很生气。很讨厌!!!!<br /><br />终于到她们了!我和盈喊得很大声。也一直叫旁边的朋友喊。她们很帅。我还为她们喊属于她们的fanchant。哈哈。。把don't don改去dawn's arch。<br /><br />可是不知道为什么,看下看下,突然眼泪一直涌上来。我一直忍。一直不经意的抹眼泪。我记得,之前,其实我有梦过这个画面。她们同样跳两首歌。不同的是,henry是我当。因为我没有时间跟她们练舞所以就当henry。可是起码我是一起跳的。看完她们,还要看progression。很尽力的喊。完毕了。我就冲去厕所。然后抱着盈就哭了起来。我一直努力笑。一直说没事。可是眼泪很不争气一直掉。 然后收拾心情。洗脸就去看看结果。<br /><br />她们拿第三。超不开心咯。输给我讨厌的那一组。替她们不爽。过后我就立刻想离开。因为我怕眼泪又掉。就跟很多朋友告别。看到她们很忙的拍照。不知道要怎么跟她们告别。矮爸爸说,为什么我不去找她们拍照?讲话?我就说,已经讲话啦。你要我怎样?去抱她们啊?他说,就去抱啊!!! 我真的无语。过后,我就跟von说我要走了。帮我跟她们讲。她说“真的不要跟她们讲话??我帮你叫她们” okok 我去找她们。我就过去要跟她们拍照。看到她们没事,我也自然的跟她们讲话。然后她们需要上台拍照。我就跟von假装粉丝上去。我还一直很想她们的crazy fans。哈哈。<br /><br />她们说待会吃饭再打给我。其实我看的出,队长好像没有很舒服的样子。不知道是因为看到我还是因为不满意表演/结果。 我们并没有讲话。因为大家很忙。离开后,我们到处逛街。我一直想,其实为什么大家叫我过去跟她们讲话。她们不能过来吗?我没有后悔主动跟她们讲话。因为我开心可以讲话。可是为什么一定是我主动?其实我也是一个被动的人。盈说因为我的形象是这样。主动,乐观跟开心。所以如果我有一点发呆没有笑,大家都会觉得我生气,伤心。可是我也不能一直笑的啊。刚才明明就伤心,不知道为什么心痛可是还是要一直笑。很累。别人问我为什么没跳,我笑笑的说,因为我没时间啊。<br /><br />我突然讨厌这个形象。如果我是一个很cool的人,那我的笑容是可贵的吧。我并不是一个很主动,很友善的。又让我想起,要当一个冷漠的人。以后我踏出社会,我要当一个冷冷的人。还是需要冰墙围着我。这样我才百毒不侵。<br /><br />我是不是一个可笑的人。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。冷漠又当不成。乐观又很累。去死了算!!christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-90548434275786368562011-11-04T05:17:00.003+08:002011-11-04T05:44:27.766+08:00我的秘密基地有一个让我可以吐尽所有的事的地方,真好。。。<br /><br />文字的确能让我轻松。不想跟任何人讲话。就来这里。不想出声,就来这里把所有东西写出来。原来我christy lim 也会有不想讲话的时候。也有自闭的时候。还好我记得我还有一个blog。以前我很讨厌写字。我觉得人要用嘴巴把所有事讲出来才会轻松。可是现在,没有人听之外,我不想讲。有点讨厌讲话。<br /><br />没有人懂。只有我懂。没有人会看,没有人会了解。起码我轻松了。不需要任何人的关心,不需要任何人的同情。我现在过的很好。虽然,我想到我要变冷漠的人,我眼泪又来了。是对以前那开朗的christy有点想念吗?不舍得。。。。 以前,我很爱笑,很爱讲话。嘴巴不可能停。我很乐观。很爱哭。很容易相信人。因为人之初,性本善。她没杀我那不需要理它。很容易忘记伤心。<br /><br />到底以前的那位christy,是一位可笑的人,还是一位可贵的人?我心中的黑暗天使,起来了。它把阳光天使杀了。。。。。。。。。。<br /><br />会复生吗??????<br /><br />不知道,只是知道,我想念以前的那位,可是我知道她现在消失了。以前听别人说,长越大,笑容会越少,我不信!我要快乐开心到老。我的座右铭是天天开心天天笑。可是原来,真的不可能。笑容不可能跟以前一样多。只要眼泪不流都已经算好咯。流眼泪让我觉得我自己很没用。可能我真的很没用。<br /><br />好想找个地方,发呆。。。以前我不会发呆,从山上回来后,好爱发呆喔。发呆很好阿。在自己的世界。。灵魂可能飞到某一个地方。。 好想在海边发呆。。。。。。christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-57672320979472938502011-11-04T04:53:00.004+08:002011-11-04T05:49:26.103+08:00笨做了一件超笨的事。我怎么会寄一封那么笨的pm给她们?不寄还不会那么尴尬。笨死了。<br /><br />其实是要寄给一个而已。怕这样她会很在意所以就干脆寄完给5个。笨!!!!!<br /><br />昨天,矮爸爸说我最近太negative了。太grey了。因为我说,我和跳舞的缘分已经完了。哇!一生人很少听到有人这样说我。我回他。grey一点都不错阿。太positive就会想我以前一样。认为全部都会happy ending。有希望!!这样知道了现实会很伤的。期望变失望。。如果我变成一个grey,negative,icy cold的人。那以后我就没什么期望。这样我就不会受伤了。现在还没踏出社会。以后我的工作,我觉得我需要变成一个冷漠的人。这样就不会有太多情绪,不会有太多信任,不会有受伤。读到了一篇不知道是不是给我的句子。如果我那么黑暗的看这世界,阳光永远都进不来我的生命。以前啊,我太多阳光照进我的生命。让我的眼被刺的什么都看不清楚。都是暗一点比较好。<br /><br />我今天说2pm以前笑容很多,以前是很天真的一个团体。没了他们的队长后,变沉默了。人啊。经历了不同东西后,笑容会变少因为现实很残忍。人不能总是那么天真。因为这样会被人笑。人不能那么乐观,因为现实本来就残忍。人不能那么多期望,因为这样会跌的很伤。。。。人经历了一些事后,会有改变的。虽然我的经历不是很严重,可是对我而言,我需要改变。<br /><br />所以我需要变成一个冷漠的人。可能对人我还是会保持我这所谓开心的样子。可是,心里,最好保持冷漠的心。这样应该会把伤害减少。而且,要有点自视。以后做一个冷漠的人可能会对同事不好,可是起码对自己是好的。假一点,蛮好的。因为这样就不会让人知道太多自己的优缺点。<br /><br />最重要是,不要放太多感情。以前觉得,有什么事,大声哭。伤心的事会跟眼泪流出来,然后抹掉就什么事都可以解决。现在觉得,什么都掉眼泪,很烦。我应该要收起我的眼泪。虽然现在还做不到。可是,我一定能变成一个冷漠的人。<span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">让我的心,有一个冰墙围着它。保护它。</span>christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-74293352779409930622011-11-01T00:59:00.006+08:002011-11-07T05:20:55.473+08:00My dance group - Dawn's Arch??<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">Dawn's Arch</span></span><br />Leader : Freezee<br /><br />Members:<br />Kuggit Gee (Malla)<br />Jean Chan (Jean)<br />Chrisaiden Lee Dh (Chris)<br />Hau Yeen Lance 孝燕 (Lance)<br />Chee Yeng (CY)<br />Estee Ang (Estee)<br />Casey Fan (Cat)<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"> Christy Lim (CL)</span><br />Laisan Wong (LS)<br /><br />someone asked me.. when will i stand on the stage again...<br />someone asked me.. what is DA performing in mid valley?<br />someone asked me.. what is DA doing now?<br />someone asked me.. when you will meet DA again..<br /><br /><br />the answer for all the questions is DONT KNOW!<br />i don't know when will i stand on stage again<br />i don't know what they are performing..<br />i don't know what they are doing..<br />i don't know when will i meet them..<br />i just don't know!!!!<br /><br />someone said.. why you so funny one.. donno anything bout your own group.. that's because .... it's not my group anymore... everytime i tried to smile when they asked me all these questions..but my heart hurt like hell..<br /><br /><br />一個常常開心的人,一崩潰,比誰都慢好起來。因為要她崩潰是很難的。不要告訴她,你那麼樂觀,很快好啦。其實是相反。就是因為太難讓他崩潰,所以如果有一天他崩潰了,是很難好的。有誰知道?<br /><br />我沒有對過任何人痛哭一場。其實每一個人問我時,我眼淚會掉可是還是會勉強笑。然後說,我沒事。我本來就很愛哭。眼淚沒甚麼的。可是其實我有事。我要退出時,想了很久,很難做了決定。心真的很傷。寫那封信,崩潰了一次。因為我覺得我沒有選擇。然後發生事後,全部人叫我不要衝動,考慮久一點。冷靜點。好。想了一個星期,覺得全部是誤會,我不想後悔。所以決定了要回去。這一個星期又崩潰了。我也有委屈。可是那一點委屈不會比友誼重要。這一個星期,哭到嘔。眼淚可以裝幾桶。眼睛腫得像鬼。決定了。想回去。<br /><br />有人告訴我,珍惜接下來的日子。想想夢想,想想他們。ok。有人告訴我忘記以前的事,想想未來。ok。有人告訴我,listen to your heart,you want to go back, then go back。ok。有人告訴我,回去要改所有壞習慣,ok。有人告訴我,running away wouldn't solve problem. if you appreciate our relationship, then should not conclude everything like this. ok。 你們的每一句話,我都記得。<br /><br />我想了很久。哭了很久。終於決定了。可是竟然沒有被接受回去。心被割第三次。如果沒有要我回去,幹嘛講那麼多??????我的心不是人心嗎? 為甚麼? 不要跟我講那麼多如果沒有要我回去。我也是會傷心的。其實我一直到處找朋友喝茶,是因為我不要一個人。一個人會讓我很多東西想。我不要安靜。我以前從不會主動call人喝茶。主動去找人。現在我是甚麼? 一直對外笑笑,心其實沒有真心的笑。開心的我在那裡?我主動跟你講話,因為我不想後悔,我覺得我們的友誼還是重要。不是要拉回關係。讓我容易回去。我真的只是想做回朋友。我不想失去你們這群姊妹。可是。。。。。。。。。。我很想去mid valley。可是,我很怕。我很怕再被傷。我也很怕你們看到我,表演興致消失。我覺得我是你們眼中不想見到的人。跟application沒有分別。可笑吧!本來是團員,過後變成討厭的人。我接受不到。<br /><br />我很想痛哭一場。<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh__8FuSjpmKWExIhpDmOPXrSOoycUpL2ehqaVAlVym9BAHqL3NCE84COTYykBfuLtd0nO2LNgXVJfbwnfIUMUDYiZztcMQ1xr641IlSolQJymkfIbvjaYjxtdu3MRbPK4k7YsFlDhGgp1M/s1600/photo.JPG"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh__8FuSjpmKWExIhpDmOPXrSOoycUpL2ehqaVAlVym9BAHqL3NCE84COTYykBfuLtd0nO2LNgXVJfbwnfIUMUDYiZztcMQ1xr641IlSolQJymkfIbvjaYjxtdu3MRbPK4k7YsFlDhGgp1M/s320/photo.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5669710565864259554" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">anyeonghaseyo! we are DAwn's Arch!</span> can i still say this?<br />i don't dare to upload this pic.. cause i know they are back to their normal life now.. i don't want to stir up their emotions.. either mad or upset or sad..<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-weight: bold;">28.9.2011 my goodbye stage..</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Jagiyah... Leader... Partner.. Fashion Designer.. Maknae.</span>. believe it or not.. you girls had a very important place in my heart.. every single one..christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-62032927783949732192011-11-01T00:54:00.002+08:002011-11-01T00:59:03.894+08:00原來。。。。。。。原來 我還很在意。。。。<br />原來 我眼淚還沒流完。。。<br />原來 我還不習慣。。。。<br />原來 我傷口還在流血。。。<br />原來 我還忘不了。。。<br />原來 心還痛。。。<br />原來 我 放不下。。。<br />原來 我還沒站回來。。。<br />原來 我還在乎。。。<br />原來 我還期望。。。<br /><br /><br /><br />原來 一切變回憶了。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。<br />。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7715777088120174709.post-77693900867730299062011-10-23T00:25:00.002+08:002011-10-23T00:58:14.242+08:00久違的一天今天帶著愛睡的狀態去kpop party。一路上有說說笑笑。第一次和R團家族一起。很好笑。看他們rehearsal,一起吃午餐,終於要開始了。有點緊張因為要見到兩個團員。從那間事開始,很久沒見他們。一直在想會不會尷尬。可是我自己是沒怎樣啦。因為過去了。可是很怕他們尷尬。會不會沒有東西講。<br /><br />開始不久後,他們來了。第一眼見面是很遠的地方。我在跟別人講話。見到他們,我第一個反應是開心的揮手。然後見到他們,只覺得他們很高 ==|||因為他們穿高根鞋。沒有任何尷尬,沒有任何感覺,就很自然。好像甚麼都沒發生過。只是過了一陣子,我才回神。喔。原來剛才沒有尷尬耶。原來我們那麼久沒見面,不會有想像中的尷尬。如果是跟她見面,也會沒事嗎?<br /><br />想了一下,音樂響起,我就沒想了。繼續享受party。到跳舞的時候,R團開始需要拉人了,當然我們也會被拉。我們是先全部去中間,然後到rania,我們就被推上台了。其實我沒有表演過這首,不過chorus可以跟他們一起跳,過後我們就很忙了跳舞,很high的玩。一切快結束時,我需要跟R團回了。到了安靜的後台,坐著的時候,突然很多感觸來了。<br /><br />哇。好久沒有那麼開心了。好久沒有跳舞了。好久沒跟團員瘋了。剛才站在台上,很享受,不怕是因為還是有他們陪著。所以跳的很安心。以後應該沒機會了吧。我很想念他們5人。想念我們一起瘋。想著想著,突然淚水又來了。所以我就快快走來走去,這樣才不會想,不會哭。丟臉耶。當他們說,會call我出來,我很期待。<br /><br />可是過後,有點笑不出了。所以在車裡,跟他們逛街時,一直在想很多東西。我那矮爸爸看得出我不開心。所以他有盡量跟我講話。當他們做按摩椅時,我又有時間想了。剛才我們大家好像甚麼都沒發生,一樣的high,可是其實已經發生了。<br /><br />我相信他們對我的真心。可是,我想他們問她,她想我回來嗎?因為她比任何人都敏感,所以我很怕她如果看到我回去,一看到我就想到傷口。我不想傷她。其實我回不回都是她的決定。不是因為我壞人給她當。只是我真的不想傷害她。如果她還放不下,可是配合我,讓我回去,她會很辛苦。我不想在團裡給人傷害。我希望他們要我回去是因為我是真的重要。<br /><br />這一切,很難講明白。因為沒時間。時間過了,久而久之,都忘記了這件事,我退團是事實。友誼也會淡。<br /><br />想到這些我一直忍著哭。可是又不想跟人講話。有點失神。還跟他們迷失。。。回去路程,後面兩隻猴子睡覺了,我不想講話所以也假裝睡。<br /><br />今天,有快樂,有期待,有感觸,有心痛,有討厭(因為看到討厭的人!那死人樣可以再串一點!頂!)<br /><br />很期待下次的見面。我待在家的日子有點要過去了。因為後天要去kuantan!!!!christyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07626249025925101305noreply@blogger.com0