Friends?

i don't understand why this thought will come into my mind... where i think i don't have much friends.. From primary school i always thinks that i got lots of friends... because i can get close with everyone... secondary school the same things happen... i think i can get well wtih everyone although someone that i know they don't like me and i don't like either... i always use the word "i don't care~~~" and "whatever~!!!" because i think my friends are more than enemies...

Mandy told me that she tak boleh tahan me last time because last time I’m very childish… but she said that now I’ve grown up…she said i changed alot compare to last time... even my mumn and bro said the same thing... however, I think she’s not the only one that couldn't stand me because I’m seriously an emotional person… whatever I don’t like u can see it from my face… and I was thinking… maybe my college friends don’t like me too… sometimes??

I’m not a friendly person I think and I’m not nice… so somehow I think this will really pull me out from the group… I remember when I moved to Genting from KL… it’s so different from my life… I’m from a Chinese school… but none of the students in Genting speak Chinese… they are all bananas!! And their results are good… I tried my best to speak English and BM at the same time tried to do my best in studies… sometimes I feel like crying because we are just like from different world… but, at last, I got my best friends there… they accepted me and they changed me to a better person… I feel so comfortable with them…

now, I moved back to KL from Genting… it’s the same thing happen again I think… I tried my best to fit into college life… life in Genting and Kl is definitely different… and life in college ppl in college is also different from my secondary schoolmates… when I talked to them…I think I’m a girl from kampong that dunno anything… most of them don’t listen to Chinese music… don’t really understand Chinese… and ~~~ I just dunno how to explain… it’s just different from my life…

I always think that they don’t like me… don’t ask me why because it’s a feeling that cannot describe…maybe not “don’t like” just that sometimes cannot tahan?? I’m not really smart so sometimes u have to repeat certain things and explain it again and again especially in studies… I’m blur and forgetful… not everyone can work with ppl like me… I always tell myself to work harder so that I won’t susahkan others…but although I tried my best I still think that I even pull the group assignments grades down… my English is not good compare to others… I’m not knowledgeable so there are lots of thing outside that I dunno about… hope I can get closer to them someday...

maybe u can use the word "useless?" on me... not good in studies... not good in socialization... not good in speaking... not good in dancing although i like it alot? not good in everything... i tried to list out what i'm good at... erm.... sleeping? eating??? screaming?? and laughing??

I’m going to Australia next year… I think there will be a different world and I have to face it again… I just hope the ppl there don’t hate me and can work with me…

I really want to thank my sisters that can stay with me and be there for me every time I need u girls… when I bring back to mind what kind of person I am last time… I feel sorry to all my friends because I always fight with them and argue with them if they did something that I don’t like… there are no such word as “patient”… I learned a lot during these 3 semesters… I hope I can be a better person this year… if I did something wrong last year… sorry!! Sorry to everyone that read this blog and sorry to all my college friends…