heartache..

finally i'm ready to write this post.. it's been a week.. time to update abit on my life..

as stated in my last post.. i'm supposed to have a movie date with him.. and all my colleagues.. can'[t stop pushing me to confess my love... of course i won't.. cos i don't even know what he's thinking and i don't confess.. i'm not used to confess.. i think that's a guy's job.. call me sexist.. but i never confess before and i will NOT!

but after talking to my close colleague and my lao ban.. they gave me some advices.. like just ask him.. to know what he's thinking.. so i thought.. that's a chance for me to know about him.. rather than wasting time thinking we are possible.. so i decided to ask him about his feeling..

after talking to my colleague.. i coudln't work.. there's this thought in my mine.. i think it's today to give up.. i told my colleague about some of our dates.. she said impossible for a guy to travel from LCCT to one u just to watch movie with me.. but i still think it's becos he is kind..

i couldn't do anything and not in a mood to workout.. i met him for a dinner.. with colleague joining.. she wants to see whether we are possible.. and she needs to makan.. i think dinner turns out good.. then we went movie.. i was touched that i don't have to say anything.. he knew i need popcorn.. maybe he is just a caring guy... the movie was so touching.. i cried a lot.. TT____TT

after that.. on the way to carpark.. i talked about his blog.. and ask about his target.. the moment he said "that girl has a bf" immediately i knew.. it's not me... my mood goes down all the way.. i do'nt feel like talking.. and in the car.. i felt the distance from one u to my house is really far~ and he just had to use the wrong road.. i want to get home quickly cos i feel like crying.. we do talks about that girl.. but i don't rmb much.. only rmb i said he's confusing.. he's kind to everyone how would that girl know whether he's interested or just kind.. this is totally from my heart..

heartache... honestly i didnt know this really happen.. i mean.. heartache is not something just to describe.. but it's physically pain~~ i can feel it.. like many arrows shot onto it.. that feeling sucks! and i have to restrain myself from crying.. in the end i pretended to sleep.. i cried for a long time once i reach home and when colleague asked.. i had to pretend i'm ok with texts like "haha i can hunt for new guy" while crying hard.. thank God i have Elaine who can talk to without pretending.. and i hate myself for crying for someone who don't like me.. i don't know why am i so dumb!

i know this is not his fault.. maybe a little? he's too kind to a normal friend so i think girls would misunderstand... mainly my own problem.. i think too much~ maybe i don't meet many guys that will treat me that kind.. that caring.. now when i recall.. i think his actions just show from friend to friend.. i don't know why i can't see this last time.. but this is a good experience like what my mum said.. she is so happy that i cried for a guy.. she said it's normal.. she's worried that my heart is cold to guys.. so she's happy finally after so many year.. i like someone.. even thought it's not a happy ending..