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3 months ago.... my cousin told me a good news.... everyone were so happy about it!! she's pregnant!! finally.... we are all so excited!! every month i will look at her tummy and start thinking when will this baby will be born... i'm the youngest in my family so i never get a chance to see how a baby grown up every week.... what is the first word they will say... when can they call me "yi yi" i think by the time they really can call me i'll cry in front of them!! i remember when james was born... i was in genting and din really get to see him... i can only see him once a month.... and he is so cute and innocent!! now he is 6 years old... next year he's going to start his primary school life... and he's evil now!! God told my cousins that this is a joy and gift for them... last month... i still remember that me and my cousin was talking about the baby's name...we hope it's a baby girl.... since she have james.... we were so happy and excited to think of a name for her... she said she gonna gave her "en" in chinese meaning joy.... and she jokes about it... since chinese is "en" and translate to eng would be "joy" so shud just name her "enjoy" hahhahaha... i planned to buy lots of toys for my little niece...

last 2 week.... doc said that her baby's heart beat is weak... if it's goin to be like this for 1 week... the baby will die... we pray everyday so that the baby would survive coz we really hope to see this baby come to the world!! last week... doc said it's ok.... the heart beat goes back to normal... my cousin stays at home everyday coz she's 39.. she lost 2 baby b4... they all died b4 they were born... this might be the last child they can get!! we were glad that the baby was fine!!! after i get to know that the baby was ok.. i turn back to a lazy"yi yi" n forgot to pray for her!!

my mum received a call just now... my aunt said tat the baby was GONE!!! the baby got no heart beat... she died!! we din get to see this baby come to the world!! i din get to play with her!! i din get to carry her!! i said that i wan to work hard and buy her lots of stuff although my cousins will buy her toys everyday!! it's so sad that u get to know a baby is coming to be one of ur family members and now she's gone... everyone were sad... cousin cried... my aunt cried... her husband cried.. james cried... i'm crying now!! it's so sad!! i always imagine that i can see the baby right after she was born! standing outside some special room to see her... talk to her... Hope to see her trying to walk... talk... run... i wan to sing all those kid's songs with her... why other ppl that dun wan to have any child get to pregnant and they will abort it or leave the baby somewhere... this is my first time knowing a baby is coming and disappear...life is so weak!! can be just come and go!! god sent us this child and took her away!!! why!!!!!!!!!!!! i just dun understand!! since from the beginning U wan to sent us a child why can't just send a healthy child!! why gave us an unhealthy baby and took him away!! i'm sorry that i blamed god... i cna't control my feelings... God told my aunt that He will sent another baby! Thank GOd!!! i will pray for the coming baby... i'm looking forward for that day... that day where my cousin told me she's pregnant again@@!!! please!!!! please!!!! please pray for us ppl!! thanks alot...