anniversary

it's DA 4th anniversary.. i rmb i rejected the offer to celebrate 2nd anniversary with them two years ago because i wasn't a member of them.. and last year.. finally i celebrated anniversary with them.. haha and now.. i'm not celebrating with them anymore.. no more in the future..

i thought i will cry as much as i could on this day.. i rmb last year we were kind of in a rush.. we had a great time choosing infinite member's character.. we ate in BBQ plaza.. we were so noisy in the rest..

this year i'm gonna spend this day alone.. without any noises.. without anyone besides me..even the house is empty today.. i seriously thought i was gonna cry.. but even when i'm typing all this.. i do'nt even have tears in my eyes.. i dont knw why..

i had collaborated with one of the ex member.. of course i asked her why did she quit? cos from what i heard last time.. it's her fault quitting.. even i thought so.. but honestly... after hearing reasons from her.. it took a long time for her to explode.. now i understand.. half of her reasons similar to mine.. both of us argued with HER the most.. both of us can't stand her the most... honestly i am not patient enough to work with her..

and after both of us quit.. the problems are on us.. suddenly we are the one who gave up on them.. i mean yes we gave up and we decided to quit.. but something forced us to do that.. when i talk to J.. i felt soooo must better~~~ cos finally i can really really really find someone that understands my feelings and stand on my side.. we talked for few hours that day.. i am very sorry for her because when she quit... NOBODY talked to her after that.. none of the members asked her why.. and everyone just said it's because she's impatient.. she's not good in tolerating..

i didnt know that she quit until i came back from Korea.. i even bought her gift..and we got so many more stages after she quit.. she admited that she felt bad... i watched their performance right after i quit once.. i cried.. so i understand J's feeling.. really sorry.. after reading her blog.. i can truly understand her..

but now.. we are not regret.. because of many reasons... we are not important in the group.. nobody cares whether we leave the group.. we can't stand her.. and no members supported us or listen to us when we quit.. and lastly.. everyone blame us for quitting and make them cry...

i think quitting the group is the best decision i've made.. the only thing that make me depressed.. i can't quit peacefully.. i always hope in the future even i break up with my bf.. we can still be friend.. but now.. seems like all of them dont want to talk to me... it's ok... since i don't even feel anything now.. i think i really got no feelings and numb now.. 12 january.. it's just another ordinary day..

2011

i wanted to update bout my 2011 life also got no time.. these few weeks always busy with gatherings.. dinners.. almost everyday got dinners.. dinner with family.. dinner with my brothers and sisters..gatherings with friends..

i stated in facebook.. my 2011 was awesome.. cos i learned a lot.. super a lot.. i gained lots of experiences.. my 2011 can be divided into three parts.. before i went to Taiwan... i participated in two very big competitions.. and i'm able to dance on big stages.. in I City.. in Astro Hits.. and in Putrajaya.. i enjoyed those moments a lot.. i'm such a lucky person to stand on those stages.. and enjoyed those cheerings..

i headed to Taiwan in the July.. i experienced a great adventure.. i stayed on a mountain for the first time.. i be an English Teacher for the first time.. i had to deal with insects and worms for the first time.. and i grown up after that trip..

after i come back from Taiwan.. i experienced a great lose.. and i experience my first broke down.. when i recall my two months.. i was really depressed.. cried almost everyday.. didn't want to talk to other people.. i don't trust anyone anymore.. i decided to keep myself away from other people.. my best friend and my mum was so worried that time.. but now when i recovered.. i realized.. to be positive about it.. isn't it a good thing that i lefT? cos nobody wanted me to stay anyway.. now when i think back.. it's a bullshit saying that i think too much.. cos i'm forced to.. and now it's kind of proven that i made the right choice.. i never regret.. and i grown up again.. let me be frank.. though i gave many excuses why i left the group.. the main reason is I CANT WORK WITH YOU!! the main reason is i don;t want to continue to work with you so that we don't need to argue anymore.. but too bad.. i cant quit peacefully..

so to conclude my 2011.. i think i grow up more.. i'm too emotional last time.. i trust people easily.. i'm dependent on others.. now i realized.. not everyone understand you.. i'm not gonna be so emotional on 2012.. i'm not gonna trust people easily on 2012.. i'm not gonna be kind on 2012 anymore.. i'm not gonna depend on others.. and put too much feelings.. i want to be someone cool.. hahaha